Sherry our Hoomin has a bruvver named Gary, and Gary lives wif a cat named Monty (his full name is Amontillado, like da wine).  Monty camed to live wif Gary a long time ago onna cold January night.  Gary heard something onna front porch, an when he opened da door, dere wuz dis orange kitty all cold an hurted -- he had a leg dat wuz just dangling like he'd been inna fite wif a metalmonster.  Gary brot dis kitty into da howse, even though he's allergic to kitties, cuz he knew da kitty wud freeze inna coldcold nite if he didn't.  Da kitty went under da dining room table an didn't moove.  Gary put fud an water under da table, but da kitty still didn't moove.  Dat kitty stayed dere for days an days.  Gary called Sherry our Hoomin an asked whut to do.  She sed to take da kitty to TED (Thuh Evil Doctor, aka the Vet).  Or if he cudn't take him to TED, an cudn't take care uv him, maybe he shud take him to a shelter where dey cud find him his onetroohome.  But she reely didn't like saying dat, cuz she wuz pretty sure dat most shelters wudn't be able to find a onetroohome for a hurted kitty an might haf to send him to the Rainbow Bridge instead.  Her bruvver Gary sed dere wuz a shelter in his town dat wud not send enny kitty to da Bridge, an he'd take him dere.  But dey weren't open when he wuz able to get dere an so dat kitty just stayed at his howse.  An after a while he eeted an drinked a little.  An after a little more while he hobbled around a little.  An after a little more while he cud almost walk as gud as noo.  And after a little more while he wuz just fine, an he luved our hoomin's bruvver Gary an Gary luved him.  An Gary called him Amontillado, after da hoomin wine dat is a golden culler just like Monty.  But mostly he called him Monty fur short.

So Monty an Gary livved together fur a long long time.  After a while da household got a liddle bigger.  A hoomin female named Laura mooved in, and she an Gary were winkwinks (dat means dey were furry speshul frends <winkwink nudgenudge> just like Tally an Pandy, fur instance.  An she brot a gray parrot called Aiki (say Ikey).  An some liddle burdies, but dey lived downstairs where Monty cudn't reech dem.  An Aiki wuz too tuff fur Monty to bother.  An den Chelsea, a liddle golden d*g mooved in.  Chelsea luks like a liddle golden treever, cuz she haz golden treever an cocker spanyul parents.  An she an Monty are da same culler, an dey are pretty gud frends, speshully cuz Monty can get places Chelsea can't reech if Monty duzn't want to play.

So efurryfing wuz fine fur a longlong time.  Den Monty started drinking lots an uzing da litter box lots an Gary taked him to TED, an dey discovered dat Monty has diabetes.  Lotza kitties git diabetes, so dere are lotza fings TEDs know to do for dem.  One fing is to starf da kitties.  So dey lose weight an aren't nice an fluffy enny more.  We're not shur how dis is spozed to help, but TED sez it duz (an so do da TEDs at Kansas State Unifursity at dis link).  An dey efen have speshul starf-yer-kitty fud to eet.  So Monty hadda start eeting dis speshul fud -- Hill's W/D or R/D -- an for da furst time in his life, Monty got so hungry he efen wanted to eet hoomin fud, which he had nefur efur wanted before.  (We don't understand dat -- Skye, speshully, finks hoomin fud is da bestest inna werld an makes Sherry our Hoomin share alla time.  But Monty nefur liked hoomin fud.)

An Monty losted weight.  He didn't lose his diabetes, though, so now he hasta git shots an insulin an see TED more den most kitties wud purrfer.  BUT -- while Monty's hoomin Gary wuz lerning all about da starf-yer-kitty fud, he lerned dat da company dat made da fud wuz having a contest.  It wuz a who-can-starf-a-kitty-da-most contest.  Yew hadda send a "before" and a "after" pikchur uv yer kitty so dey cud tell how much yew'd starfed him.  An yew hadda send a note from TED, we gess to proove dat it wuz okay to starf dis kitty.  An yew hadda write a letter bout yer kitty.  An send all dat to da petfud company by a certain date.  So Monty's hoomin Gary did all dat, an at da furry last day he sent in alla letters an pikchurs, just fur fun.

An MONTY WINNED!  He wuz a regional winner -- dere were eight regions an dey picked 10 cats an 10 d*gs frum each region.  Den dey picked da winner uv each region, an MONTY WINNED agin!  He wuz da bestest cat frum his region an a National Finalist.  (Another National Finalist was named Harley and she comes frum Kansas.) For being a National Finalist, Monty winned 3 months of starf-yer-kitty catfud, an sum uther fings fur his hoomin like a t-shirt an stuff.  An he winned a trip to Mew York City fur him an his hoomin to compete inna National Finals.  Da winner uv da National Contest wins a year uv starf-yer-kitty catfud, an a certificate fur a groomer (which Monty sez he's gonna give to Chelsea da d*g, cuz she always needs groomed but kitties can groom dereownselfs), an another trip fur him an his hoomin to a fancy resort in Catifornia.

So Monty's going to Mew York City in May, 2000.  He's gonna fly inna airplane (inna cabin, cuz Sherry our Hoomin let her bruvver borrow our brandy noo Sherpa carrier dat we haven't even used ourownselfs yet, so Monty won't haf to be locked up wif alla sootcases inna bottom uv da plane).  Gary his Hoomin is going, uv course, an so is his winkwink Laura, an his meowmie (who is also our hoomin's meowmie).  Dey're gonna stay inna fancy hotel in Mew York called da Parker Meridien, an da contest is gonna be inna Tavern onna Green in Central Park.  Den, after Monty kicks all doze uther kitties' behinds an WINS agin, dey're gonna stay a cupple days an see da sites.

We fink Monty iz not gonna haf quite so much fun as his hoomins, cuz he hates to travel an when he rides inna metalmonster he yells an yells an yells da whole time, efen if it takes hours.  Dat mite be interesting onna airplane <heeheehee>  But Monty figgers he's gonna win da contest cuz he'z gonna yell lotz an pee onna judges an dat's bound to impurress dem.  Uv course, Gary his Hoomin hasta haf an intervyoo wif da judges, an we don't know whether he will be as impurressif; he's only hoomin, yew know.  But if dey just luk at da kitties, Monty iz bound to WIN cuz he'z da bestest orangist fluffiest (or no-longer-fluffiest) kitty inna werld.  Cuz he'z our CUZZIN!

Stay tooned fur da story uv Monty's trip to Mew York an da Contest an alla advenchurs uv Monty an Gary his Hoomin:

Here are some links to sites about Feline Diabetes.  There are lots out there, so if you need information, just set your favrit search engine an go!