©By Storyteller - November 21, 1998 Once upon a time: there wuz a cute family of pussies that lived humbly but happily in a housing project in the Bronx. Father cat wuz called Tom (on account of he wuz black) and Momma cat (who wuz a tortoise-shell with a torn ear) loved him very very much. She loved him so much, in fact, that they had lots of little Kittens that took up most of Mommas time and patience! Momma wuz always glad when it wuz time for her little kittens to go to bed and she always told them stories to settle them down for the night. One night Momma wasn't feeling too good, it was cold and rainy, and she wuz sneezing and her legs wuz aching - so she asked Tom to tell the Kitties their good-night story instead of her. Now that wuz one Big mistake, 'cuz Tom wuz quite different to Momma. She always told 'em happy things - about cozy fires and full up trash cans, stuff like that! Tom, on the other hand, wuz a mean street Cat what had seen the cruel side of life - and this is the story what he told them that night, while Momma slept and the rain poured down in the darkness outside and the mean east wind shook the little house fit to bust it open. The Old Man and the Cat, "Once", began Tom "There wuz a family of Cats just like us, what lived in a far off place called Connecticut. they wuz happy Cats, they slept most of the day and had a high 'ole time every night - and life was just dandy for 'em -'ceptin for just one thing!" At this point in the Story Tom paused, and the little Kittens immediately beganto ask "what Pa?, what wuz the thing what spoiled life for 'em?. Tom waited 'till he had a good scratch and then continued, "It wasn't a THING what spoiled Life for the Connecticut Cats, no sir! It wuz a Hoomin!!". At the sound of the word 'Hoomin' all the Kitties gave an involuntary shudder. Young as they wuz, they all new that Hoomins wuz the worst kind of enemy what a Cat has got! Worse than stoats, worse than weases - worse, even, than dogs! Momma had showed 'em the big truck with Hoomin writing on it what picked up stray Cats and took them far way, never to be seen again! They all knew that when they saw that Truck they had to run for home just as fast as they could!. "It wuz Hoomins", repeated Tom - enjoying the effect his words was having on the youngsters!. "Or to be more precise, one Hoomin. One mean, twisted old man what lived next door to the Connecticut Cats - an' whose name wuz "Mr Exrxes'!" "All Hoomins is not to be trusted - by Mr. Exrxes!, why!, he was the meanest, the cruellest, the most wicked Hoomin what ever lived!". Every Cat in Connecticut knew about Him - and not even the bravest, most bodacious Cat in the State would ever go into his garden!". Again, Tom paused waiting for the inevitable question from the Kitties. It was Fluffie, the youngest kitten, who finally asked in a small whisper "Why?" "Because", continued Tom, "of the Barbecue! - 'ole Mr. Exrxes had a Barbecue smak bank in the midleof his Garden - and orl the Cats what lived around there knew that if the 'ole man wuz to catch 'em on his Property he would ROAST 'EM ALIVE!" At this, Fluffie began to cry, but Tom, taking no notice continued, "They wuz O.K. if they din't go in to his Garden - he just to stand by his fence lookin at 'em, not saying a word - just looking an' licking his lips! And orl the little Cats what lived next to him had been told of the danger - and warned what would happen if Mr. Exrxes wuz to catch 'em! - and they orl promised their Mummy and their Daddy that they never, ever would go across that fence!." "It wuz one Fall that 'Snowie', one of the little Kitties next door to Mr Exrxes, started collecting Autumn Leaves. Five months old, with the whitest fur you've ever seen she wore a red collar with a tiny bell that jingled as she played, she had the biggest collection in the neighbourhood - an' wuz very proud of 'em indeed. She wuz in a competition with her friend 'Spangles'to see who could get the biggest and the prettiest leaf to give to their Teacher at school." "Snowie knew that Mr Exrxes had some fine oak trees in his Garden, down the bottom, near the fence where the bushes grew dark and thick!." He didn't collect up the leaves, they just lay where they fell - and Snowie could see that some of them were very fine leaves indeed! - all patterned and coloured like the folden sun. She wuz sure that if she could get into his Garden for just one minute she would find the very leaf she wuz looking for!". "All that night Snowie kept thinking about the leaves in Mr Exrxes garden! The more she thought, the more she was sure that it was there she would find the very best leaf of all! - and wouldn't Spangles be jealous when she gave it to the Teacher!. And besides, thought Snowie to herself, maybe old Mr Exrxes wasn't as bad as she had been told, maybe he was just a lonely old man what people didn't understand, maybe he was really quite nice - deep down inside!." The next day wuz a Saturday, and that meant no school! Snowie sat very still, looking through a crack in the fence into Mr Exrxes garden. She saw him come out of the house and look over in her direction. Even though Snowie knew that Mr Exrxes could not see her through the fence she still felt her little heard beating faster and faster as she stared at his thin unshaven face with its mean eyes and its mouth set in a tight line!." "At length Mr Exrxes turned away and walked slowly towards his Garage. Snowie heard the sound of his pick-up truck starting, and watched as it reversed out of the Garage and up his gravel drive onto the road." "When she saw it disappear up the road Snowie knew that this wuz her big chance!, now she could get the leaf she had been dreaming of!. Snowie checked around her to see that her Mummy and Daddy were not watching, then scrambled up to the top of the high wooden fencing post, paused for a moment - her little heart beating wildly, then leapt down into the carpet of rough, uncut, grass and nettles which lay on Mr Exres side of the fence!." Tom broke off from his story and looked at the kittis who, by this time, had huddle together - their fur rising and their eyes wide staring pools of feat!. He glanced across at Momma - she was still sound asleep. Tonka, the eldest kitten was the first to break the eerie silence that had descended upon the room, broken only by the sound of the screen door banging in the windy night. "W,what happened next?" he asked in a small, trembling voice. Tom, a master of effect, waited for a moment before replying. "No-one knows" he said finally, "Snowie wuz never seen again! Her Ma and Pa went frantic, looking or her everywhere but she never did turn up!. - all anyone can say for sure wuz that later that day Old Mr Exrxes started sweeping up the fallen leaves to burn 'em. Some say that the smoke that came from his garden that afternoon was from his bonfire - others say that it came from Something Else!, truth is, no-one can really say! The only thing I know for certain is that, sometimes, on dark, still September nights, there comes the sound of a tinkling bell from deep inside the dark green shrubbery that grows close to the fence at the bottom of Mr Exrxes garden!." With that, Tom concluded the tale he told to his kittens that storm lashed night. Momma was furious when she found out what kind of story Tom had recounted - and it took little Fluffie eleven visits to the Cat Psychologist before she stopped trembling! - but ever afterwards, whenever the kitties were naughty, it became the custom for Tom or Momma to say "If you don't stop that at once Mr. Exrxes will come for you!". Gradually, it was commented upon that Tom and Momma had the best behaved Kitties in the entire Bronx!.