By K.J. Haught - Oct. 26, 1996 Hello, effurykitty! So there we were, a couple of weeks before the prom, talking about how much we loved (and still love!) our winkwinks. We all know how springtime can make a kitty's whiskers tickle! Just to let them know how much I love my beloved Boris*, that bushysquirrelstayl Maine Coon extraordinaire, I declared that I would gladly fight a pack of Rottweilers with three paws tied behind my back. And I meant it. Good thing I meant it, because although I was speaking hypothetically, Newton got an idea. And we all know big things happen when Newton gets an idea. Shu had been to the TED a lot and the TED bills were piling up. We were worried about his mother not having enough money to pay for his nip and sandbox service. So Newton thought to himself how lucrative a showdown between a pack of angry Rottweilers and a delicate, genteel Maine Coon girl kitty could be! Excuse me... (YES, OLIVE, OF COURSE I AM THE DELICATE GENTEEL MAINE COON GIRL KITTY! CAN'T YOU TELL BY HOW #$^% DELICATE I AM, YOU LITTLE #$%@?) Anyway, Newton, with Shu's help, took it from there. He reserved the arena, sold the tickets. found the rotties (three, for the record), didn't feed them and called them names, and counted up how many TED visits the mounting tuna would cover. Spike participated also and Boris* stood by his winkwink although he was not enamored by the turn of events. Anyway, as with all large events, there was a little flea in the catnip, shall we say. Bonnie the Black Panther, that tireless crusader for girl kitties, objecting to the proceedings. She declared Boris* and the other boy kitties "louts" and begged Ashley not to let them exploit her in this manner. Risking Ashley's health and safety for the sake of a few tunas, how dare they! But Ashley assured Bonnie that she did what she did of her own free will, that the motive was benevolence not loutness (Shu's TED bills, after all) and that Boris* himself had reservations, but because he was such a Sensitive New Age Kitty, he would stand by her and nurse her back to health, if need be. So Bonnie declared that she, too, would support Ashley, and vowed to fight the Rotties, also. And she was joined by other girl kitties, including Persephone and Lady Godiva. So on the big day, the stadium filled and Newton counted the amassed tuna. Ashley climbed into the ring flanked by her beloved Boris and the team of Rottie-fighting girl kitties. In walked the Rotties while the kitties tied three of Ashley's paws behind her back. They were huge, ugly, snarling, hungry, angry, and generally just not pleasant to be with. Ashley hopped forward on her one free paw and the show started. Ashley valiantly fought, throwing offensive punches to whichever Rottie was in front of her while defensively maneuvering around the other two. It was an entrancing fight for a few minutes until Ashley rose up, took her free paw and slapped each Rottie across the face with as much force as a delicate little girl kitty could muster, accented by the searing heat of her hissspit. The Rotties, surprise, suddenly realizing that they weren't dealing with any poodle-like creature, turned tail and ran yelping and crying for their mothers. And so, the other girl kitties didn't have to fight, Shu's TED bills were paid for, Ashley, with Boris*'s help, groomed her fur in its proper place and showed no sign of any altercation, and Newton had one more successful endeavor on his resume. The only casualties, in fact, were the three Rotties who now cower at the site of their own shadows and Pawline's perm, which was destroyed by Rottie slobber during the fight. And so, kitties, the legend of how the MEOWCHAT cats stand by each other and support each other no matter what the situation and no matter what the danger! Signed, Ashley (retired Rottie fighter and the devoted winkwink of BORIS*)